Alana’s Horror Movie Survival Tips

In honor of our awesome Halloween party on the 27th, which will feature costume, candy, scary movies, video games, and more, I hereby present to you Alana's Horror Movie Survival Tips. If you ever find yourself pursued by an unstoppable killing machine, possessed by an evil demon, or facing hordes of brain-sucking zombies, please do make sure you consult these notes. So now, without further ado...

Alana’s Horror Movie Survival Tips

1. If there is something suspicious sitting in a chair or dark corner, do not approach it
2. Ignore anything that says “come closer.”
3. Do not investigate any disembodied voices. If they sound sing-song, run
4. If a family member or friend is acting possessed, do not try to reason with them. It doesn’t work.
5. Always hire a backup exorcist
6. Avoid unstable surfaces, especially when you’re high up above the ground
7. I cannot stress this enough: always check behind the door!!
8. When going to investigate something, do not leave your weapon behind
9. If the old nursery rhyme or poem says not to do something, don’t do it!
10. Avoid reading anything out loud from strange books with weird symbols on the cover. Better yet, don’t read anything out loud at all
11. If there is a human-shaped shadow behind a curtain, chances are there’s a human there
12. If you manage to defeat your attacker, make absolutely sure he/she/it is completely, permanently dead before leaving
13. If you find a safe hiding place where nothing can get you, stay there
14. If a creepy noise repeats more than 3 times, it’s not just the wind
15. When going to another room to investigate, take the kids with you
16. Anyone holding a sharp weapon is probably past the “let’s talk this over” point
17. Be the comic relief character, they are far less likely to be killed
18. Don’t trust anyone who seems incapable of moving properly, as they are usually insane, dead, hypnotized, or drunk
19. The sweetest looking child is usually the evil one
20. Never ask a killer “why are you doing this,” as it just wastes precious time
21. Dummies, dolls, and clowns are evil. Period.
22. Make sure you are informed of any possible family curses

To be continued…